What We Mean By “Change”

Some skeptics erroneously assume that by change we always mean (or should mean) a 180 degree shift from 100% homosexual to 100% heterosexual in all behaviors, interests, attractions and thoughts, forever after. Anything less than that, some critics argue, isn’t real change. Some look for evidence of “only” a 170 degree shift or “only” a 90 degree shift, and cry “failure!”

The truth is that any degree of change toward greater peace, satisfaction and fulfillment, and less shame, depression and darkness, is change well worth pursuing.

For most people who seek change, heterosexuality is not actually the ultimate goal – happiness and peace are.

And for us, happiness and peace are not contingent on sexuality alone, but on living a life congruent with our deeply held values, beliefs and life goals.

So, unlike those who argue that nothing less than a 180 degree turn “counts” as change, those of us who actually experience change are often quite content with a much subtler shift.

  • To be free from the constant pull of homosexual desires…

  • To have deeply fulfilling non-sexual friendships with other men, and to belong to a close community of men…

  • Perhaps to have a happy marriage, to be a loving father, or else to be contentedly single…

  • To live a life we feel is aligned with God’s will for us…

Many of us could ask for nothing more.

 
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