Who is Brothers Road

I Sent My Husband on a Weekend Retreat With Other SSA Men — What Was I Thinking?

Guest Blog by Anna —

I mentioned a month ago that my husband was going to do some in-depth therapy. Technically it’s not therapy, but “an experiential weekend of self-discovery, brotherhood, personal-growth, and inner-healing work.” And it’s awesome.

I was somewhat skeptical, but figured it couldn’t hurt. I wasn’t expecting a “cure” for same-sex attraction. In fact, I was just hoping he could come away with less shame and maybe some deeper understanding of himself. Besides, what do we have to lose? But that was when he signed up a few months ago. Then I fell into a deep depression. I suddenly became fearful. A group of men that all struggle with SSA, together? For a weekend? What was I thinking???

But I determined to remain calm and trust God. I prayed A LOT.

And you know what happened? God showed up. He really did. My husband did a lot of that inner-healing work. He dealt with childhood trauma. He dealt with his shame. He came back exhausted. He came back changed. It was like seeing the man I married again, a man I haven’t seen in a long time. We cried together A LOT. He is saying all of the things I’ve always wanted and needed to hear — AND it’s believable. I haven’t felt this confident and hopeful since that day of disclosure in September.

I know he’s still on an emotional high from his experience, and I know there will still be tough days ahead. I also know that his experience changed him and he has a great network of accountability and friendship now.

Originally published at So I Married a Gay Man: Finding God’s hope and joy in the journey of a mixed-orientation marriage. Re-published with permission.

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