There is a concerted effort today in America, Canada, Europe and elsewhere to deny people who experience any degree of same-sex attraction the right to choose a life direction or even a belief system other than a gay-affirming, gay-pride path.
The cultural pendulum of prejudice and shame has swung decidedly in the opposite direction from where it was in the 1960s and before. Today, it is those of us who put our faith and values first, above our sexuality, who are shamed, rejected and scorned – all because we seek to find peace and fulfillment in more religious, faithful, celibate or more heterosexual lifepaths than our LGBT brothers and sisters may.
In fact, as men who choose to put our faith and values first, above our sexuality, we are one of the few remaining sexual minorities in Western society today that it is still socially acceptable to hate and malign.
And that kind of hostility and hate is just as wrong today as it was when it was targeted at the pioneers of “gay liberation” and gay pride in decades past.
Gay, straight, bi, or something else, none of us ever deliberately or consciously chose to feel same-sex attractions. But we do get to decide how to respond to them — how and whether to act on them, how and whether to identify with them, which feelings to emphasize, and which to de-emphasize.
It’s Our Life. Our Choice. Our Right.
We get to decide whether to embrace a gay identity, gay relationships, and gay culture—or something else. We get to choose which life path, for us personally, may be more rewarding and more reflective of who we really are and who we want to be.
In the Brothers Road community, we refuse to define ourselves primarily by our sex drives and personal temptations. This does not make us homophobic or self-hating. On the contrary, we find it makes us anchored, principled, balanced, authentic, and self-determined. Our lives are driven by our values and goals, not cultural demands or progressive social pressures.
Also, as clients, former clients and potential clients of professional therapy, we have a highly vested interest in our right to voluntarily seek professional counseling that supports our goals and to help us find the most authentic, healing life path for us. We greatly respect the professional therapists’ ethic of honoring client self-determination, and we emphatically affirm that it applies to us as much as to anyone else.
Likewise, we have every right to attend workshops and support groups of like-minded people, if we wish, in pursuit of our goal to address our same-sex attractions in ways that align with our faith, our values, our beliefs, morals and life goals.
Your Life, Your Choice, Your Right, Too
We also affirm these same rights for others who seek a more gay-affirming path. Gay or straight or bi or something else, let’s never let the government get between a client and therapist to dictate what goals the client is allowed to have and what issues the client is allowed to explore.
We fully recognize that our path isn’t for everyone. We affirm the right of all people who experience same-sex attractions to choose their own sexual identity and how and whether to express it, as well as how and whether to seek any kind of counseling, support community, or change effort.
- We Respect Gays and Equal Rights
- Who We Are
- Mission & Vision
- Beliefs & Values
- The Truth About Who We Really Are (Vs. What Critics Say)
- Why Not Just Embrace Being Gay?
- Does Sexuality Ever Change?
- What About Therapy for SSA?
- Our Stories, Our Journeys
You’ve probably heard plenty of “coming out” stories of men and women who decided to accept and embrace a gay identity, pursue same-sex relationships and live a gay life. We accept and respect their stories for them.
Here, however, a few of us share somewhat different experiences—our choice to travel a different road. In sharing our stories, we never imply that no one else will find happiness in gay relationships or a gay life. It just wasn’t right for us.
“I never wanted to live the gay life. I wanted to live a straight life. I had been sexually abused while I was young. I thought the only way I would have acceptance was through gay sex. I was alone most of the time. I hoped there would be some way I could break out of the life I was living.
“Finally I found someone who directed me to a therapist, then to Journey Into Manhood. I was in contact with a number of men who walked away from homosexual activities. I started to live the life I always wanted. I felt accepted by other men. But the biggest benefit was self-acceptance.” — Steve, Louisiana, USA
“I had to make a decision to pursue a gay lifestyle and lose my family — or find some other way out of this conflict. Of course I did not want to hurt my wife or children but I didn’t know there was support to help me with my decision to put my family first until I was introduced to Brothers on a Road Less Traveled. Now, I am at MUCH greater peace.” — John, Texas, USA
“I had a big personal crisis. I was looking for a relationship with a man until I went to a friend’s wedding and there I realized I wanted to have a family—a wife and our own children. After debating with a couple of friends for some time, I realized I want to live fully and not let fear take control of my life. And that means taking the risk of pursuing what I deeply desire and follow my heart.” — Jose, Mexico